The Unsaleable One

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Submitted by: Inge Klinkers

SUEDE are claiming that HMV stores are refusing to sell their latest T-shirt which bears the legend 'GAYANIMALSEX' for fear it might offend customers. The band's press officer said the ban "presupposes a dubiously deduced moral value system for our furry friends. Who could possibly be offended -straight animals?"

However, a HMV spokesperson denied there was any ban but admitted that stores had been advised, in routine merchandise bulletins, not to carry stocks of the T-shirt for the purely economic reason that we don't think there will be much demand for it."

"Our West End stores have had them on sale for a week now but I don't think they've sold very many," the spokeperson continued. "It's purely a commercial decision to maximise the shelf-space for more popular stock like Blur and Take That and of course the Little Miss and Little Mister range and the Superman T-shirts which are selling in bucketfuls."

Gay activist and journalist Paul Burston dismissed the T-shirt logo as "culture-vulturalism" adding, "I like Suede's music but I think Brett's a fraud. What was that stuff about being a bi-sexual but never having had a homosexual experience? It's just f-ing nonsense!"